"Am I too old for gummy bears?"

My entire train of thought for the past two months has pretty much just been, "Holy shit, I'm a senior." And it still hasn't sunk in.

 Does not compute.

 Rejected. 

It seems almost ironic, because I've spent the last three (more like 5) years of my life "prepping" for college and now that I've taken the SATs and chosen my schools and done everything else, I can't take it. The thought of college makes me want to go back to sleep. Everything about college, from applying to actually going, makes me nervous. 

Whilst we all ponder the reasoning behind this reaction (um, I'm a teenager, there's your reason), I will move onto the other equally large thought looming over me: adulthood. I'm aware that 18 is the "legal" number/border for adulthood, but I dispute this, mainly because part of me pretty much already feels like an adult, and the other part of me feels like I'm going to be a mental thirteen-year-old forever. On one hand, I do all of my banking online. On the other hand, I still beg my mother to makes my lunches. Woo, half adult half teenage Kaylie. Am I ever going to strike a happy medium? And if so, how does one go about accomplishing this? Please fill me in.

Life lately has been a very tedious and scary balancing act. I won't bore you with a tightrope analogy (though I will briefly mention it so you get my point!), but sometimes I feel like I'm going to fail and fall flat on my face. Balancing and managing my time has been my biggest struggle. I can openly admit that I am over committed, but it's a bit too late to back down, so now I'm stuck with attempting to arrange my academic/theatre/leadership/college/personal duties into my schedule. It's very hard, as it's one week until Homecoming, college application time, and the middle of a theatre production. Add a sprinkle of AP classes on top and it is the most unappealing banana split ever. 

Highlights of life and attempts to relax have come in the form of really cute puppies (lhsdfjshdfsd he was adorable and licked my face!!!!), cupcakes, and clothing organization. Lots of clothing organization, because I'm testing out the whole "dress for success" theory and also trying to wear all of the clothing my mother doesn't think I will. I also organize everything during the weekend and that makes me feel marginally better, but only marginally. My biggest stress relief generally comes in the form of a a pumpkin spice latte and Barnes & Noble browsing, but that hasn't been achieved yet this season. I'll work on it. 

I will leave you (and this unorganized, rambly post)  with a photo of my cat throwing her hands up in resignation and on the high note that tomorrow, I will be traveling up to Palo Alto for a college fair, where I will hyperventilate about the future and also meet up some some awesome people from CSSSA. If you've made it to the end of this, you deserve a cupcake (they're pumpkin spice).

Ta!